Anything But Love Read online

  “Okay.” She paused. “What should I do first?”

  He shook his head. “You weren’t listening, were you? I’m doing all the work. And the first thing I’m going to do is take off your clothes.”

  She was trembling, but she managed to nod. Her blood was leaping with excitement, her heart hammering against her chest, but Ben seemed to be in no hurry.

  He moved down the bed and slipped her sandals off first. Then he sat up and pulled her feet into his lap, running his thumbs over her arches until she made a soft sound of pleasure.

  “I like that,” she said breathlessly.

  He smiled at her. “Good. That’s what I’m going for. As far as telling me what you like, though—I have an addendum. If you don’t feel like talking, please know that I’ll accept a moan or gasp in lieu of words.”

  He slid his hands up her legs and grasped the waistband of her pants, pulling them down and off.

  Her breath caught in her chest and she was very glad she didn’t need to talk. She was also glad she was wearing pretty underwear. They were lavender satin and—

  And Ben was about to get a look at the matching bra.

  He was unbuttoning her blouse now, slowly, from the bottom to the top. When it was undone, it fell open, but before she had time to think about him looking at her bra, he slid a hand under her back and unhooked it. Then he was pulling her blouse and bra off together and tossing them aside, and before she knew what was happening, she was half-naked and he was looking at her breasts.

  Her heart was pounding. Goose bumps prickled her skin and her nipples hardened, and Ben was seeing it happen.

  Raw hunger and reverence came into his eyes. No man had ever looked at her like that, as though he wanted to worship her and devour her at the same time.

  Then he lowered his head and covered one breast with his mouth and the other with his hand.

  Her hands fisted in the sheets. There was too much sensation to process—his warm, wet mouth and the drag of his teeth and the rough way he handled her, pinching and rolling her nipple in his fingers and then squeezing and biting at the same time . . . too hard and yet not hard enough.

  It’s too much, she wanted to say.

  But instead she arched her back to bring herself closer to him.

  A current of electricity sparked from her breasts to the place that throbbed between her legs. And then, before she quite realized what was happening, Ben was kissing his way along that pathway of heat until he reached her panties.

  Her legs had fallen open and his big body lay between them. His hands were splayed over her hips and his mouth—

  Her muscles tensed and she rose up on her elbows. “Ben?”

  He stopped immediately, looking up to meet her eyes. “You okay?”

  She swallowed. “I don’t know. I mean . . . I feel . . . nervous.”

  He moved back up the bed until he was lying next to her. “All right,” he said softly. “What are you nervous about?”

  He reached out a hand to caress her hair, her face, her bare shoulder, and under his gentle touch she felt herself relaxing.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to be that, um, exposed.” She paused. “I’m sorry for ruining the mood.”

  For a moment he just looked at her, his dark brown eyes full of heat and affection and lust and tenderness and a hundred other things she couldn’t identify. Then he slid both hands into her hair and pulled her against him for a hot, wet, open-mouthed kiss that left her quivering.

  “How’s the mood now?” he asked. His voice was low and rich and husky, and it played along nerve endings she hadn’t known she possessed.

  “Pretty good, actually,” she managed to say.

  He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. “I don’t know if this will help, but I feel exposed, too.”

  She stared at him. “You haven’t even taken off your clothes. How can you possibly feel exposed?”

  “Because I want you so much.”

  He rolled onto his back, and for the first time she saw the bulge straining against his pants. “If you want to even out the playing field in terms of clothes, I’m at your mercy.” His eyes glittered as he looked at her. “Just promise me you’ll be gentle.”

  She rose up to a sitting position, looking down at him.

  Anticipation tingled in her fingertips. Was this really going to happen? Was she really going to undress Ben Taggart?

  Yes.

  She started with his button-down shirt, taking her time and feeling a rush of excitement when it fell open. His breathing was ragged, his smooth, hard chest rising and falling with his breath, and when she leaned over to press a kiss against his breastbone, he groaned softly.

  She kissed her way down his body as he’d done with her, and when she reached the waistband of his pants, she undid his button and his zipper and then pulled them off, letting them fall to the floor.

  The only thing between them now was his boxers.

  She wanted to touch the hard ridge of his erection. She reached out tentatively and then pulled her hand back, looking up and meeting his eyes.

  “What do you want to do?” he asked.

  “I want to touch you,” she whispered. “Is that . . . do you want that, too?”

  He closed his eyes briefly. “I want it so much I’m willing to beg.”

  A flush of heat warmed her bare skin. “You don’t have to beg,” she said, leaning forward and putting her hand on the bulge beneath his underwear.

  Ben made a low, desperate sound, and that made her feel bolder. She ran her hand up and down his hard length, feeling how much that excited him, and then she squeezed.

  “Jessica.”

  She loved the way he said her name—like a plea or a prayer. She took hold of his boxers and pulled them off, and then, in the grip of fevered desire, she knelt over Ben and took him into her mouth.

  He shuddered from head to toe. “Jessica. Jessica.”

  She couldn’t get enough of the way his voice seemed to caress her name, or the taste of his hot, hard length against her tongue, or the feel of his hands in her hair.

  She’d never been a big fan of oral sex—giving or receiving—but this was different. This was Ben she was touching, Ben she was tasting, Ben she was driving crazy.

  If it had been up to her, she wouldn’t have stopped until he exploded. She would have experimented with her hands, her mouth, her tongue, until she found out exactly what would make that happen. But before things could get there, Ben pulled away from her, panting.

  “Why did you stop me?”

  He surged up to a sitting position, pulling off his shirt and tossing it to the floor.

  “Because I don’t want to come in your mouth. Not when I could come inside you—if you’ll let me.”

  His words sent an erotic thrill down her spine. “I want both,” she said, amazed to hear herself say such a thing.

  His eyebrows shot up. “Are you trying to kill me?”

  She shook her head. “I just want to experience everything.” She hesitated. “With you.”

  Up until that point, his expression had been all lust with a sprinkling of humor. But now something different came into his eyes—something deeper.

  She was kneeling on the bed while he was sitting back against the headboard. Now he reached out and pulled her into his arms, rolling them over until she was on her back and he was above her, his weight supported on his arms and one powerful thigh between her legs.

  “You will,” he said, his voice husky. “You’ll experience everything you want to, Jess. I swear it.”

  Her eyes fluttered closed. Her naked breasts were pressed against his chest, and the weight of that contact made her heart thud against her ribcage.

  But even more urgent was the sensation between her legs.

  She didn’t realize that she’d started to move against him, twisting and writhing to increase the delicious friction, until Ben started to move, too, his hips flexing and his thigh pushing against her center. />
  “Oh God,” she gasped. “Ben . . . please . . .”

  “What?” he murmured in her ear, just before nipping at the tender lobe. “What do you want, Jess?”

  “I want you inside me.”

  He rocked against her and she gasped again. “I want you inside me right now.”

  He kissed her hard and then rolled away to the edge of the bed, opening the drawer of his nightstand and pulling out a pack of condoms.

  She rose up on her elbows, staring. “Where did those come from? Please tell me you didn’t bring them from New York.”

  He grinned as he opened the box, and she took a moment to admire his smooth bare skin and the play of hard muscle beneath it.

  “I’m not that arrogant,” he said. “I bought them our second day here, after we kissed that first night.”

  “I see. And you didn’t think that was arrogant?”

  He shook his head. “It was hopeful. I knew you were hot for me, and I was just waiting for you to realize it when you were sober.”

  He took out a foil packet and started to open it.

  “Wait,” she said, surprising both of them.

  “Do you want to slow down? I’d be happy to go back to the foreplay part of the evening,” he added with a wicked grin. “Hell, I get turned on just by kissing you. If you want to spend the whole night necking, I’d be down with that. Whatever you want, Jess.”

  Her gaze drifted down to his lap. He was hard as granite, long and thick and proudly erect, and yet she knew that if she called a halt, he’d accept it.

  A rush of affection went through her, and it made her desire burn even hotter.

  “It’s not that. I want—I want—” She paused.

  Could she really ask for what she wanted? She’d never expressed a desire of her own in bed before. But Ben had made tonight safe and hot and playful and erotic all at the same time, and everything seemed possible with him.

  “I want to be on top. And I want to put the condom on you.”

  He blinked. “Well,” he said after a moment. “Your wish is definitely my command.”

  He handed her the square packet and settled down on his back, folding his arms behind his head and grinning up at her.

  “You’re the sexiest human being I’ve ever seen,” she said, letting her eyes rove over his powerful body.

  “That’s my line,” he said. “Speaking of which, you still have an article of clothing to remove.”

  She kept her eyes on him as she put the condom between her teeth. Then she rose up on her knees, hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her panties, and slid them down her legs. She slipped them off and kicked them aside, and then she crawled over to Ben on her hands and knees, the condom still in her mouth.

  Ben stared at her, his eyes wide. “What were you saying before about your problem with sex?”

  She ripped open the foil with her teeth as she threw her right leg over Ben, straddling him with a knee on either side of his hips.

  “I said I thought you were the one who could help me. I was obviously right.”

  She started to roll the condom over his erection, but it didn’t cooperate.

  “Other way,” Ben grated out.

  “Oh.” She turned the condom over and tried again, and this time the slick latex moved smoothly over his hard, hot flesh. “I ruined another moment,” she said. “I was going for sex kitten and I totally blew it.”

  “If you climb on top of me right now, I’ll forgive you.”

  She’d never met a man who could be strong and sexy and adorable all at once.

  “Okay,” she said. “It’s a deal.”

  As she took him in her hand to guide him inside her, she realized just how hot and wet and ready she was.

  And then, slowly, she sank down on top of him.

  “Jesus,” Ben whispered, his eyes closing and his jaw muscles tensing. “You’re so tight.”

  The sensation of fullness spread from her center through her whole body. It shimmered like light through her veins, as though Ben’s very essence was mingling with hers.

  She put her hands flat on his chest and leaned over him. His eyes opened and he looked at her, and for one searing moment the world seemed to stop spinning.

  Her heart stopped. Her breath stopped. All she knew was the joining of their bodies and the depth of his gaze and a longing that couldn’t be satisfied even by achieving its desire.

  “Jessica,” Ben said, his voice shaking.

  She started to move, slowly, her eyes still on his. She was so focused on Ben that she didn’t realize what was happening in her body until—

  “Oh my God,” she gasped. “I think I’m going to come.” And in the next instant she knew what would send her over the edge. “I want you to be on top when I do. Will you be on top when I—”

  He didn’t wait for her to finish. He flipped her onto her back without losing the connection of their bodies and drove into her, hard and then harder, until her orgasm began in her fingers and toes before igniting every nerve ending in a glorious explosion.

  An instant later she felt Ben pulse inside her. He thrust deep, calling her name, and his head dropped to her shoulder as he shuddered out his release.

  The thunder of their heartbeats eventually slowed. Ben shifted slightly to the side, easing the weight of his body on top of hers, but keeping the contact between them.

  The aftermath was so sweet she never wanted it to end. Her body was so sated, so replete, that it was impossible to imagine feeling hunger or thirst or need or pain ever again.

  Ben seemed to feel the same. His hands moved over her hair, her skin, as though he couldn’t stop touching her.

  She never wanted him to stop touching her. She felt warm and safe and treasured and . . .

  Sleepy.

  She yawned hugely and Ben chuckled, the vibration tickling her cheek where it rested against his chest.

  “I thought men were the ones who fell asleep after sex,” he said softly.

  He was rubbing her back in slow circles. She yawned again and snuggled against him, getting as close as humanly possible.

  “That was amazing.”

  Her eyes fluttered closed. She wanted to stay awake longer, to enjoy this moment, but sleep was overtaking her.

  “Yeah, it was. If you don’t mind my asking, why in the hell did you think you had a problem with sex? What kind of idiots have you been dating?”

  She was starting to drift. As she did, the closeness she felt to Ben drew words out of her she’d never spoken to another human being.

  “It wasn’t their fault,” she murmured. “It was me. When I was eleven, my uncle Jeffrey—”

  She stopped. Even half-asleep, warning bells went off in her head, and every instinct she possessed made the words stick in her throat.

  Beside her, Ben went absolutely still. “Your uncle Jeffrey what?” he asked after a moment.

  She woke up a little bit more. “It’s nothing. It was a long time ago. It’s not important.”

  “Jessica.” Ben put a little space between them and shifted so they were face-to-face. “What did he do?”

  She swallowed. Would it be so terrible to tell him?

  Maybe not. Maybe it would be all right for one person to know—one person she trusted as much as she trusted Ben.

  “He would stop by the house sometimes when my parents weren’t home. He’d send the nanny out with Vicki and then, when we were alone . . . he would touch me.”

  Ben closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he said, “Your uncle . . .” He stopped and started again. “Your uncle molested you?”

  She recoiled at that word—at the ugliness, the darkness, the shame coiled inside it.

  “No! He wasn’t violent. He didn’t . . . he didn’t hurt me. It was only touching.”

  A spasm tightened the muscles of his face. When he spoke again, his voice was low. “I don’t think I ever met this guy. Jeffrey, you said? Where is he now?”

  Something in his tone
raised the hair on the back her neck. “He died of a heart attack a few years ago.”

  Ben was quiet for a moment. “Do your parents know what he did?”

  “No,” she said. “Nobody does.” She paused. “It didn’t happen very often. It ended when I was thirteen, after he moved overseas. It’s not a big deal. I mean . . . it was so long ago. I’m not traumatized or anything like that. It didn’t affect my life at all, except—” She looked down for a moment. “Except that sex has been hard for me.” She looked back at Ben. “That’s why I’m so glad that you—that you and I—” She swallowed. “That tonight happened.”

  Ben slid his hands into her hair, brushing his thumbs over her cheekbones. His eyes roved over her face with an intensity that made her catch her breath.

  “So am I,” he said huskily. “That was the best sex of my life, Jess.”

  Her heart soared at those words. Unless . . .

  “You’re not just saying that because of what I told you? Because you think I’m damaged or something?”

  He shook his head slowly, his eyes bright. “I don’t think you’re damaged. I think you’re incredible. I think you’re brave, and beautiful, and so damn sexy I want to make love with you all over again.”

  Relief flooded through her. Telling Ben her secret hadn’t changed the way he saw her. “I think I need to rest a little before we do that again. Is tomorrow soon enough?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Tomorrow will be good.” His hands moved to her shoulders, and he pulled her close. “How’s this for good news? We have a whole week to look forward to.”

  She slid her arms around his waist and nestled against him. “That sounds promising,” she murmured.

  “Yeah, it does.” He held her tighter. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

  Sweetheart.

  Her eyes were closing again. “Good night, Ben.”

  “Good night.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Jessica looked like an angel with her fair hair scattered over the white pillow. Her eyes were closed; her breathing was slow and even.

  Once he was sure she was deeply asleep, Ben slipped noiselessly out of bed, went into the bathroom, and closed the door behind him.