Claire (Hart University Book 2) Page 14

  He kissed me again, hard, and then he reared back as he positioned himself at my center.

  When he slid inside me I wanted to die.

  I mean it. I wanted to die right then, because I knew that nothing else I could ever experience would be as perfect as that moment.

  And then it got better.

  Will started to move, slowly at first and then faster and harder. And as he drove himself into me over and over his face filled with a kind of taut bliss I’d never seen before. He closed his eyes, and his jaw was as tight as the bands of muscle over his shoulders.

  I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He was so beautiful, so sexy, so—

  The tingling started in my fingers and toes, and by the time I knew what was happening an orgasm hit me like a freight train, with a thundering in my ears and a tidal wave of ecstasy.

  I gripped Will’s arms, and they were as hard as iron as he supported his weight above me.

  His eyes were open now, and he was staring down at me like I was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen. “You came,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly.

  I couldn’t speak, but I managed to nod. And then he flexed his hips and thrust in hard, and I felt his body pulse inside me as he came, too.

  He collapsed on top of me then, shuddering all over and saying something into the place where my neck met my shoulder.

  After a moment I realized it was my name.

  “Claire. Claire. Claire.”

  I could feel the vibration of his voice all through my body. He said my name with reverence, like it was the most important word in the universe.

  I wanted to stay like that forever, but after a few minutes I realized that would be impractical.

  Breathing was becoming an issue.

  I wriggled a little beneath him and he shifted instantly, rolling off and lying on his side facing me. I turned to face him, too, and we gazed at each other in a way that should have been embarrassing.

  But it wasn’t.

  I’ve never just looked at someone for so long without saying anything. It was like those moments outside in the snow. The silence between us felt like music, somehow—like the spaces between notes had come together to make a symphony.

  After a while drowsiness crept over me like a warm blanket. I nestled closer to Will, feeling his arm encircle me as I tucked my head against his broad chest.

  And then I was asleep.

  When I woke up it was dark. But unlike this morning, I didn’t wonder where the heck I was.

  I knew exactly where I was.

  I took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of Will, deciding I’d rather live on that than air. Then I pressed a kiss to his bare chest, relishing the hardness of that wall of muscle.

  “Claire.”

  Will shifted, tugging me close and kissing the top of my head. After a moment he lifted my chin and kissed me on the mouth.

  The kiss was soft and gentle at first. Then, suddenly, it wasn’t. Our naked bodies pressed together and we were twisting and writhing and—

  Will pulled back.

  “What is it?” I gasped, desperate for him.

  “I only had one condom.”

  That calmed me right down. “Oh.”

  My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I could see that he was smiling.

  “What are you smiling about? Aren’t you frustrated?”

  “Nope.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because we can do other stuff.”

  Possibilities opened up before me.

  “Other stuff?”

  “Other stuff.”

  And that’s what we did.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When I woke up again, it was daylight.

  Bright sun shone through the dormer windows. It came into the bedroom in visible shafts, dust motes dancing in the light.

  Suddenly wide awake, I slid out of Will’s arms to get out of bed and go over to the window.

  The world was blanketed with snow, including my car. But as I stood there, I heard a faint rumble in the distance. I waited, curious, until I saw the source of the noise: a snowplow, making its way down the road past the driveway.

  The roads were being cleared. Which was a good thing, because our friends were driving out today.

  “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  I turned and saw Will sitting up in bed, the blankets around his waist and a smile on his face.

  My heart warmed at the sight of him. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  I was naked, but this morning I didn’t feel any self-consciousness about it. How could I, after the way Will had worshiped my body last night?

  I padded back to the bed and perched on the edge. “The gang is coming today.”

  He nodded. “I know.” He studied me for a moment, his expression serious. “Can we talk before they get here?”

  I didn’t pretend not to know what he meant. “About us?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay.”

  We were quiet for a moment. Then Will asked, “Where do we go from here?”

  I thought about my answer very carefully, because I wanted to get this right.

  “If I were going to be with anyone right now, it would be you. But I’m not ready for a relationship.” I paused. “I was with Ted for four years. I was his girlfriend from the time I was fifteen years old. You know how you’re not sure who you are without football? I want to be sure I know who I am without being someone’s girlfriend.”

  I took a deep breath. “I got a single this year because of Ted, you know? So we could have privacy if he came to visit. Then he broke up with me, and I hated having a single. I wished I had a roommate again. But lately… the last few weeks… I haven’t minded it as much. I even kind of like it.” I stopped, wondering if I sounded selfish or if Will would know what I meant.

  “I get that,” he said.

  Silence fell between us again, and I waited for Will to speak.

  “I wish some things were different,” he said finally. “But the fact is, you don’t want a relationship right now because you’re in a good place, and I shouldn’t be in a relationship because I’m in a bad place.” He paused. “I guess sometimes people don’t sync up. You know? And you shouldn’t try to force it.”

  Even though I knew he was right, and that I’d been right, too, I still felt a sudden unbearable sadness. “We synced up last night,” I said. “Like, big time. And maybe next semester… or next year…”

  He took my hand in his. “You don’t have to do that,” he said. “Let’s not look too far ahead, okay?” He raised my hand and kissed it. “Thanks for last night, Claire. It was the best night of my life.”

  I wanted to say Me, too, but I didn’t want him to think I was saying it because of what he’d said.

  Why is talking so hard sometimes?

  He threw off the covers and got out of bed, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. “So I guess we should get ready for visitors, huh? I’ll go shovel the driveway.”

  I got to my feet, too. “I’ll help you.”

  He shook his head. “There’s only one shovel,” he said. “I saw it yesterday on the back porch. I’ll take care of it. It’ll be good exercise.”

  “Well… all right.”

  I stood there for a moment, wondering how to end this conversation and wishing we didn’t have to. Because once we did, the magic of last night would be over. And yes, it was the right thing, but I didn’t have to like it.

  Then I remembered that this was Will’s room, which meant that making an exit was up to me.

  “So… I guess I’ll go take a shower. Then I’ll make some coffee.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I grabbed my clothes from the floor and left.

  And that, as they say, was that.

  Chapter Twenty

  About an hour later, I was finishing up the driveway when Claire came outside with a shovel in her hand and an indignant look on her face.

  “You said there was only one!” she call
ed out, holding up the incriminating evidence in one hand.

  I grinned at her. “Yeah, I lied about that.”

  She started toward me. “Now I’m going to help.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but there’s nothing left for you to do.”

  She reached my side, looked around, and saw it was true.

  “Curse you, McKenna.”

  “You say the sweetest things.”

  She looked up at me, squinting with the bright sunlight in her eyes. “I can’t believe you did this by yourself.”

  Staring down into the oceans of blue that were Claire’s eyes, I lost my place in the conversation for a moment. Before I had a chance to find it again, we heard the sound of a vehicle coming toward us.

  We both turned and listened. It might have been the snowplow coming by again, but I didn’t think so. Then, after a minute, a navy blue van came lurching down the dirt road.

  “It’s one of the Panther team vans,” I said.

  We backed up the driveway to give them room, and after they pulled in, here came our friends.

  Tamsin and Julia and Dyshell. Rikki and Sam. Andre and Tony and two more teammates: Derrick and Isaiah.

  My throat felt tight all of a sudden. There was a lump there, and it wasn’t easy to talk past.

  “Don’t you people have families?”

  Tamsin grinned up at me, her dark hair hidden under a neon pink knit hat and her arms full of groceries. “We decided we’d rather spend Thanksgiving with you.”

  “That’s some seriously questionable decision making,” I said as I reached for the bags.

  Andre was holding a big turkey wrapped in plastic. “That’s what I told them, but they wouldn’t listen. Where’s the kitchen? I need to get this thing in the oven if we’re going to eat before midnight.”

  We actually ended up eating around six o’clock.

  Okay, so, I’ve already made it clear that I love my mom and my stepdad. Not only are they awesome parents, but they’re good company. Holidays with them are always fun.

  So I mean no disrespect when I say that this was the best Thanksgiving I ever had.

  It’s quite a thing when a bunch of your friends blow off their plans to spend the holiday with you, just because you’re having a rough time. It’s humbling, not to mention an effective way to get you back on the right track.

  And it was Claire who’d made it happen.

  I didn’t sit next to her during dinner, figuring I’d give myself away for sure if I was within touching distance of her. But my eyes kept drifting to where she was, across the table between Tamsin and Julia.

  I really, really hoped that Claire would decide to be with me some day. Because if she didn’t, I was going to be single for the rest of my life.

  She was it for me. The only girl, forever.

  Okay, I know that sounds melodramatic coming from a nineteen-year-old. But I never felt that way about Lissa, even though I’d loved her and was committed to her.

  Was it possible my feelings would change if Claire and I never got together? Sure. But right then, at that moment in my life, I couldn’t imagine it.

  The food was delicious and the conversation was fun, but the highlight for me was watching Claire. I could never get enough of looking at her, of seeing her smile and laugh with her friends.

  Seeing her happy.

  Once dinner was over, we all helped with the cleanup. When everything was mostly done and there were just a few dishes left to wash, people started to drift into the living room until it was down to just me and Sam.

  I liked Sam a lot but the two of us never hung out together outside of group things. As I washed the last of the glasses and Sam finished putting the dishes in the cabinets, I wondered if there was something I should be asking him about. A particular class? Some kind of sculpture thing he was doing? I knew he liked basketball. Was he on an intramural team?

  “Hey, Will?”

  I almost dropped the glass I was holding. “Yeah?”

  Sam closed the cabinet door and leaned back against the counter, his hands in his jeans pockets. “So, this is none of my business.”

  Uh oh.

  “Yeah?”

  “But at dinner, I noticed the way you were looking at Claire.”

  I stared at him. The fact that Sam and I weren’t that close made it worse. If he’d noticed, probably everyone had.

  “I don’t think anybody else saw what I did,” he went on. “But last year when I was losing my mind over Rikki, the face I saw in the mirror was the face you’ve got now.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Should I deny it? Not for my sake, but for Claire’s? I was one hundred percent sure she didn’t want anyone to know what we’d done last night, and since she wanted to stay single, I didn’t think she’d want me sharing all the details of my feelings or whatever.

  Sam went on. “The only reason I’m even saying anything is that the situation with Rikki had me pretty messed up last year. It only got better after I told her how I felt. I know you’re having a bad time right now, and if you’re into Claire and not telling her, I think that could make things worse. Or at least harder.” He shrugged. “For what it’s worth.”

  I frowned down at the floor. After a moment Sam said, “Anyway, I’m sorry if I pissed you off by bringing it up. Like I said, it’s none of my business.”

  He started to head out and I made a decision.

  “Hold up,” I said.

  He turned back. “Yeah?”

  “You’re not wrong. I am into Claire. But it can’t happen right now.”

  Sam studied me for a second. “You’re not happy about that.”

  “It’s not just that. I mean no, I’m not happy about it. But the thing is… before all this football shit happened… I could see us being together when the time was right, you know? And I knew it would be perfect. But now…”

  I wasn’t sure exactly what I was trying to say, but Sam seemed to get it.

  “I know what that feels like. If I tell you something about me and Rikki, can you keep it to yourself?”

  I nodded.

  “We were both virgins when we got to Hart. We went to the same high school, and I’d been in love with her a long time. When we started getting closer last year I thought it was meant to be. Like we were supposed to have our first time together and it would be perfect.” He looked rueful. “Then I screwed it up. One night when it seemed like things with Rikki were never going to happen, I hooked up with a girl I didn’t even know.” He shook his head. “That was my first time. Right after it happened, Rikki and I finally told each other how we felt. She said she was so glad our first time would be with each other.”

  I knew what was coming next. Everyone knew this part of the story.

  “I was planning to tell her the truth, but someone told her before I could. Maybe you know what happened with Jason?”

  Jason used to be in Claire’s band, and he’d been into Rikki last year. Someone had sent him a pic of Sam with the other girl, and Jason had shown it to Rikki.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

  “That blew everything up between me and Rikki, and I hated myself for weeks. How could I have done that? Everything could have been so perfect if I hadn’t fucked it all up.” He paused. “But then I figured out that things don’t have to be perfect. If you screw up, it doesn’t mean you can’t try to fix it. So I did, and Rikki and I got together.” A slow smile spread across his face. “We’ve been together for a year, and it’s not perfect. But it’s so much better than I ever imagined… even though nothing happened like I thought it would.”

  I thought about what Sam had said for the rest of the night. We were all hanging out in the living room, recovering from the huge dinner we’d eaten. I’d built a fire, and now I was lying on the rug in front of it with my arms behind my head.

  The mood was mellow. Claire must have told Andre that the intervention had been successful, because we didn’t talk about any of my issues—thank God. The conversation ha
d been all over the map, and a couple of times I’d laughed so hard it hurt.

  It felt good to laugh with my friends again.

  Tamsin and Julia decided to stay the night here. They would drive back with me and Claire in the morning, while everyone else would go back tonight in the van. It was after eleven o’clock and Andre said something about leaving before midnight, but we were all sprawled around in post-turkey contentment and no one seemed eager to move.

  The athletes had zeroed in on the single ladies—Tamsin, Julia, Dyshell, and Claire—and were explaining the differences between the NCAA football and basketball championships. They’d already participated in Tamsin and Dyshell’s How Badass is Beyoncé discussion, so they probably felt entitled to a little sports talk.

  Claire was sitting on the couch with her legs curled under her, her head resting on Dyshell’s shoulder. Her eyes were drifting closed, which meant I could stare at her without worrying that she’d catch me.

  The few times our eyes had met at dinner, it had been like fireworks going off in my heart.

  Yeah, I had it bad.

  Claire might not have it as bad as me, but from the way her cheeks turned red whenever we looked at each other, I knew she was thinking about last night.

  I’d done plenty of thinking about that, too. But right now, watching Claire fall asleep, I wasn’t thinking about sex.

  I was thinking about a future with the girl I loved.

  Talking with Sam had shifted something inside me. I no longer felt like I’d ruined everything by getting myself concussed and acting like an asshole for weeks and sleeping with Claire too soon. I realized that I couldn’t change anything that had already happened, and that I couldn’t control what Claire was thinking or feeling.

  Not that I’d ever want to.

  But I could control myself, and I could make changes in my own life. Right now, I wasn’t the guy Claire deserved. And while I knew I would never be perfect, I could be better.

  I wanted to be better.

  I realized something else, too, sitting in a roomful of friends who’d sacrificed family plans to spend Thanksgiving with me after I’d blown off my own family.

  They were right and I was wrong.